My Personal Myth

  
Personal Myth – A Life As A Short Story.

Little did anyone know that the last baby to be x-rayed (the machine broke) at Tahoe Forrest Hospital would experience such diverse twists and turns in her life. Then again she didn't start off doing things the easy way. She was born 10:15am, June 19th 1974 via c-section because she wouldn't turn and was trying to come out one foot at at time. She grew up the the only child of a seamstress/substitute teacher and California State Park Ranger and often kept to herself with dreams of racing through the mountains on horseback or dancing to a favorite song. Known for being friendly and empathetic her friends ranged from the neighbor girl with autism to the football jocks. Yet she never fit into any specific group, dabbling in several. Adaptable and mutable, much like her astrological sign she flitted from hobby to hobby. Sewing, horseback riding, painting, drawing, singing, piano, flute, guitar, youth group, sheepdog training, scrapbooking, swimming, and eventually, into bellydance.
    All of these things led to a wide variety of experiences that make up the core foundation of who Nancy is. Her interest in horses led to meeting the man she was married to for nearly 15 years. They experienced college together, buying a house, losing a child, and then raising two beautiful daughters. Their “happily ever after” didn't go as planned, but as with other events in Nancy’s story, things change and she adapts.
    At age 30 she discovered bellydance, through an interest in Middle Eastern music and as a way to express herself. She never though of herself as particularly athletic, she has never been overly flexible (physically) but was moved to understand how to interpret the nuances of this rich music. Even within bellydance she has moved amongst different methods on the spectrum. Starting off with American Tribal Style, a Heinz 57 style that is a group improvisational style. This didn't really fit the idea she had for herself so she gravitated toward a variation on this style that incorporated elements from other dance styles. While fun and entertaining to watch, something was still missing. Often the dance had a sad, dark, or disconnected feel and for a bright, bubbly, somewhat extroverted girl it felt like a square peg being jammed in round hole. What she did gain through these communities were new connections with people that led to making a decision to move her family from the rural foothills, to Oakland. Bellydance had led her to Burning Man, and a friend named Heidi. Heidi invited Nancy (and Nancy's family) to a large Memorial Day camp-out on her property. What started out as an event where Nancy knew one person, ended with 150 new acquaintances that would become her social network in the coming years. It was also the place where her then husband met his soon to be girlfriend, but that is a whole different story. Things were set in motion after that weekend that propelled Nancy further along her path of change, expansion, and re-inventing herself (again). She continued to bellydance and gravitated toward a more traditional Egyptian style that started to feel more like it fit. She enjoyed being a sparkly girly girl who grew more comfortable in letting the feminine nature show in all its unbridled expression.
    Along with this came the awareness that the next area to expand was in a spiritual direction. With gentle encouragement from her partner she started exploring meditation and gaining insight into areas where she was still clinging to old ways while moving along into new ones. The clash was often not a comfortable experience. The increased interest in alternative ways of knowing brought her to JFK university, educated her more about the mind-body connection, how to incorporate that in dance and her spiritual path. She joined this program to be able to help others find their way however individually driven that is. “Boxes are for dancing on, not in” she has said many times and she plans to continue this trend. Fully experiencing something, keeping the aspects that suit her, shedding the ones that don't, and moving on for another chapter in a full rich life. For now its a mid 30's woman in grad school with multicolored hair. It's difficult to say where exactly she will wind up after this, but if her story shows anything, it will be one heck of a journey. Full of stories she hopes to share with her children, and their children, should they chose to have any.

The Thing About Balance

 Lately in class readings, course discussion, and  other life events I keep running across the theme of balance. Not just in being able to do many things at one time, but embracing the "bad" along with the "good". I'm starting to see that things just "are" and I can choose how I react to them. Sometimes I allow myself to celebrate, other times to mourn. Whatever feels appropriate to me to express at the time. I wrote this almost two years ago and its still speaking to me so I'll share it here.

"Balance"

Shadows dance across the water

Chasing the light,

Providing balance

Shape to form

Unable to exist without the other

Carefully poised in movement

Encouraging growth

Ultimately fading

The end it is not, merely the beginning

Circling eternally around

Gently rocking us

While awakening our souls

Hemophilia Walk

Hemophilia Walk

I'm going to be participating in the Northern California Hemophilia Foundation's Walk A Thon on April 17 2010! It's at Cesar Chavez park in Berkeley.

I'm looking for both walkers to join my team and donors to help us raise funds!

Thank you!

Grounding Exercise

This is taken from my first week's exercise in Somatic Psychology. I was struck by how simple of an exercise it is and found that I enjoyed figuring out ways in the various positions to get a sense of being connected the the earth.


Why Grounding?

When I am grounded, I can fully feel my physical body and how it interacts with what is around me. My  feet and legs are strong and stable. My senses are operating optimally, so that colors are vibrant and sounds are clear. In my experience, grounding allows for a good sense of smell and taste. I get the sense of being fully alive and life feels rich, immediate and real.

I notice that when I am ungrounded I don't function very well, often I feel as if I'm the flailing image of Kermit the Frog. My mind is distracted and cannot focus well. My body does not feel strong and solid. My feet do not seem to be fully touching the Earth. Often I experience clumsiness with an increased tendency to bump into things. I'll experience the external environment either as dull, farther away and less solid or at the other extreme too heavy and intrusive.

Exercise in Grounding

Grounding can be done from a sitting, standing or lying-down position. Practice in all three positions because you will find that it works a little differently in each. Usually we face our most challenging situations when we are in a vertical position, so it makes sense that we practice holding our grounding while we are standing or seated. Lying down is the most relaxing. This position has the advantage of being a little easier to master.

The Basics

Begin by closing your eyes and focusing your awareness on the base of your spine. Your energy will follow your awareness. Imagine a point of light on the tip of your spine. This will help you access an important energy center that will facilitate grounding. It is sometimes called the root center. Breathe gently as you take your awareness inside. Draw the breath into the root center, imagine that a beautiful golden light is riding on the breath. Leave the light in the first center as you exhale. You are feeding your root with energy, allowing it to take on a stronger charge. 

Talk with your root, ask it to expand, open and fill. Continue with your focus, breathing in both light and space. Wait. Use the attitude of expectancy without expectation. Notice where the root starts to respond. Perhaps it is more active in the front or the back, or maybe the left side or the right side. 

There is no need for the mind to understand how all of this works. Your energetic system knows perfectly how to do this. Your task is to focus your awareness and state your request. Let your system respond. Pay more attention to the sensation of what is going on than to the visual images you are getting. 

Allow the root and pelvic bowl to fill with light. Once this occurs, imagine a line or cord of energy extending from the root center into the Earth. If you are standing, the line will drop down between your legs. If you are sitting, it will drop from the base of your spine downward. If you are lying down, the line will drop down perpendicularly from your horizontal body. Ask that the line move deep into the center of the Earth, finding a clear and stable point. 

Breathe energy from the Earth up the line and into your pelvic bowl. Breathe back down the line and up again, raising the Earth energy only as far as the waist. Let any overflow spill down into your legs. You are "weaving" yourself with the Earth and letting her become an extension of you. Feel the support that is there for you. An entire planet! Now ask that the vibration of the heart of the Earth open in you. Notice what happens. Allow your body to adjust. If you do not notice anything, that is okay. It does not mean that nothing is happening. You just may not be able to perceive it yet. 

Give your self time to explore this connection. Observe your reactions to it. If you detect any resistance, ask yourself to gently soften. Notice the attitudes that your mind holds. Breathe. You are breathing with the Earth. Just notice. Judge nothing. Give yourself time. This is how you open the door to feeling at home in your body. This is how you allow your body to show you its support and strength. 

Once you feel you have opened and connected with the Earth, thank your body and energetic system. Thank the Earth for what she has given you. Ask your cells to memorize the sensation of grounding so that in the future you can simply remember the sensation and you will automatically strengthen your grounding capacity. 

Have fun with this! :-)

Information is Beautiful

http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/play/snake-oil-supplements/

Neat graphic showing the uses and popularity of various supplements as well as their efficacy.

I Me Wed

Creating A Marriage With Yourself

The above article is interestingly enough similar to a concept that I was struck by last year. I was experiencing a great deal of uncertainty about who I was and my abilities to handle life and relationships. I decided to make myself my priority, not just in words but in actions. I started to take a look at the way my inner critical voice treated me, it wasn't very nice. In fact it was a tone and manner that I wouldn't tolerate from another person, let alone someone I was in an intimate relationship with. It was a bit like being bonked in the head with an "ah ha!"

At first it felt awkward and unwieldy, but it was solidified for me that I NEEDED to do this when a few people I'd encountered were very vocal in their support of this process.

After reading the above article I feel like I have even more language for saying, "Hey Nancy, you are pretty awesome and I'm going to treat you that way."

It feels like the start of a beautiful relationship. :-)

Escaping Fear's Gravity

A year ago I could barely dance on stage, I would get overwhelmed by stage fright and my body posture was not open. I was too scared to share anything about myself, I didn't trust myself to show it properly and I was afraid of being rejected. Scary stuff at a normal performance, even worse at a competition. It wasn't just fear of the audience, it was deeper than that but I didn't know how to access that...I was not willing to go there. It took several months of mindfulness about how I was dancing and "faking it" before the ease and confidence I was looking for started moving through me. It also coincided with several personal events where I was moving away from old habits and ways of being. No longer was I leaning on a dance teacher, relationship partner, or friend to figure out who I was, I'd started doing that for myself. Facing my world with my head up, heart open, palms up, and not hunching away from it. It was as if someone had flipped a switch inside me, changing the way I was wired. Its not easy to stay that way though, old demons come back, they lure, taunt, and try to coerce me back into not trusting myself to be who I am. I'm ok with it being a back and forth for the forseeable future, I know it will get easier to manage each time it comes up.

All of this is what inspired my piece for the Breakthrough Fusion Competition. It was the ideal venue for me to show my fear exactly who was in charge (didn't hurt to have that acknowledged by the judges). This is the most real dancing I've ever done and I want to keep exploring this sort of thing.


http://www.vimeo.com/8876654